The Randomness That Goes Through My Head

Wow...it sure has been a long time...

2009-11-04T01:36:33Z

Wow...it sure has been a long time since I've posted anything on here. A few years if I remember correctly. I feel kind of bad that I haven't kept up with it, but I was never one to write in a journal or diary very often for a long time. Sometimes I just get bored of writing and just want to sit down with a friend or family member and tell them face-to-face my problems or what I'm excited about. It takes less time and I always get some kind of reaction. The friends I had made on here, I haven't spoken to them in SO long...I feel like a terrible friend. They've probably forgotten me, and I feel bad because I most-likely have forgetten them. I don't have the best memory, so when I don't talk to people in a long time, it'll take a while to realize just who they are and the experiences we've shared.

However, after watching a really really cute Japanese drama called "Densha Otoko" or "Train Man", I feel like I have been a really bad friend. The friends I have made on the web, just because I haven't met them in person, doesn't make them any less a friend than the ones I have around me all the time. I'm the worst kind of person, aren't I? I discarded my online friends and haven't spoken to them in years. I wonder if they were really mad at me, or even if they remember me at all. *sigh* Well after watching Densha Otoko, I feel like I want to try again to make online friends and this time keep up with them and their lives and to value them more than I had in the past. I don't expect it to be like in the drama, even I am not that naive, but it would be nice to meet a bunch of people and have them support me with important decisions and to help push me when I don't feel like I have the courage to carry on. And I would love to cheer them on in their lives as well, to help them when they're feeling down and to celebrate with them when they are feeling happy.

Well, I guess that'll come with time and good research. I must remember to try my best at whatever I do! I believe in giving it my all when it comes to my friends. I know that I become very vulnerable when I put 100% of myself into my relationships, but how can I ask my friends to do that when I, myself, won't do that for them? That's why I hope to try my best and to not give up!

Losing a friend

2008-01-07T03:28:58Z

It's always sad to lose a friend, even when I thought I already lost one it seems like I just lost her again. We were friends in high school, good friends, the best of friends. I called her one of my best friends which I don't do lightly. I've only done that twice in my life. One for her, and one for another whom I've been best friends with for five years (and friends for maybe nine or ten years). So she meant a lot to me. I'd look out for her and accept her, despite that there were things that I didn't like what she did. But I still loved her, like I loved my sister. We look past the faults and flaws and love the soul. Then times changed....we changed. High school graduation came and went. I attended college and she got into the military. I was consumed with classes and making new friends...she was consumed by her work and the men it brought her. We were on different levels now, concerned with different things. It seemed like we had nothing in common anymore except our past.

Then it happened...I messed up...I hurt her feelings. I didn't mean to! I have many different types of friends and at the time my other best friend (whom I've known longer and have been friends with longer) would not have gotten along with her. My other best friend and I were going to spend New Years together and when I told that to her, she got hurt. My guess is that she didn't think I valued her friendship as much as my other best friend. It wasn't true, but she didn't listen. We stopped talking for a long time...barely keeping in contact anymore. I had cried for hours for the mistake I had made and the friendship I had seemed to lose. I had told myself that in the long run it was the best. That were growing apart anyways. I'm sad it had ended badly, but that maybe it just needed to end one way or another.

Over the years we tried to meet, maybe to salvage the lost friendship we had. But it seemed that we never could get together for one reason or another. I was painted as a flake and a horrible friend. Maybe she's right. Maybe it's true. I don't like to think so cuz the way I see things...she was destroying my soul, my spirit. After that New Years, I could never do anything right. I could never make her happy. I could never make her smile or laugh like I use to. I felt like a terrible person, such an ugly being that should never live upon this Earth. Every time I spoke to her, I'd end up crying for hours.

Then today, I got another email from her. I haven't heard from her in almost a year and a half. The last time she contacted me she was back in the States and wanted to see me. She only had two days left. But unfortunately I was nine hours away and wouldn't be back home for another three days. She took it as I didn't want to see her, that it was my fault, that I was being a bad friend. Well anyways, she emailed me today wishing me a belated happy holidays...yet at the end of the message she said that "its a good thing some old friends still remember to say happy holidays". I was hoping that she just meant it in a general sense, though I had a feeling she was making me feel bad again on purpose. So I emailed her back thanking her and wishing her happy holidays too and letting her know that I didn't get the chance since I'm in the Philippines. But then she emailed me right back telling me to "save my excuses".

Is it silly of me for tearing up and crying over the simple yet hurtful message? Especially after so many years? It hurt so much to read that, as if the wound I've been trying to heal hasn't actually healed at all. I told her that I was sorry that our friendship ended so badly. That I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong to make her so mad at me for years. I don't think she's ever forgiven me. But at the same time I told her how much her friendship had been tearing me down, like a bad relationship. We need to move on, but with our heads held high and with humble hearts. We had a great friendship for three years that I continue to hold in my heart. I will always look back on those times with happiness and with gratefulness. But I think it's time for not only me to move on, but her as well. I don't think it's healthy for someone to carry around such anger. I told her if all she's going to do is make me feel bad, then to stop messaging me and to delete me from her friend's list. Is that bad or mean of me? If I'm still on her friend's list and she reads this on her bulletin, I hope that she finally understands my feelings. That I don't hate her, I'm not even mad or angry at her, but I need to keep my distance from her until we can look at each other again and say "Hello, remember me? We were best friends in high school. Man, those were good times huh?"

I was struck by inspiration...

2007-12-07T04:15:56Z

Just cuz I have no where else to write this...and I kinda liked it. I thought it was going to be a song at first but I don't think so...I think it just turned out as a weird poem. But either way, it's been a long time since I've written anything like this and never of this nature. So yeah, I was just listening to the sermon at church last week, and the sermon just inspired me to write something and here it goes.

He Does He Does

How can you deny such love?
Don't we all seek to be loved fully?
He does He does

Can't you feel His arms wrapped around you?
Can't you feel Him wiping away your tears?
He does He does

He knows you
He loves you
He does He does

He died for you
Gave His life for you
So that you may live, live your life

He is always with you
To support you, hold you, love you
So how can you deny such love?

In darkness you may dwell
But He shines His light for you
He does He does

"He's not real." you may say
Or "He doesn't really know me."
But He does He does

So I will pray for you
Even give my life for you
And hope that you will believe
That He does He does

The end...okay so yeah...not as good as when I use to write poetry as an emo kid, but that was...oh say...five years ago. I can't write poems anymore...well whatever. I like it.

Gackt Red and Blue DVDs

2007-10-19T16:33:35Z

Woah, talk about it being a long time. I guess I just kind of forgot about LJ for a while...that being it was a bit difficult to view it on my old and slow computer. But now that I have a new one, nice and pretty too, I started to hit this site up again. Hehehe. But boy do I have a lot of catching up to do.

Anyways, getting Gackt's Red and Blue DVDs...I LOVE THEM!!!! But is that any surprise? No. I knew I would, even though I have pretty much all his PVs on my comp, but it's so much nicer to view them on my TV...and they have english subtitles too! Now, I don't know Japanese...though I'm trying to learn but it's an incredibly slow process...I kind of like them better than some stuff I've found surfing the web. Because as I learned a few words in Kanji and their meaning, I found that some translations just weren't really cutting it for me. I thought that it could be translated better...however I guess I must keep in mind that they are fan-subbed and I should cut them some slack. There are parts of the translations on the DVD that I don't like, I don't think it's very acurrate, but what do I know? I hardly know Japanese.

Well, they are a great pair of DVDs though and I'm SO excited that I finally own a Gackt DVD. I have a Hyde DVD and a L'Arc En Ceil DVD but I didn't have a Gackt one, which kind of surprises me because I like him the best. Hehehe, I knew, the moment I saw that Red and Blue were going to be sold in the U.S. that I was going to get them ^_^ And at such a cheap price too! Wow, amazing! I'm not all that impressed with the translated titles, I think they should have at least kept those untranslated. I don't know why I feel that way, but something about 'Luna Hymn' from 'Tsuki no Uta'....I don't know...Luna Hymn? But whatever...he's beautiful and so is the song.

When I got them, I was at work...so I had to wait ALL day to finally get back to my room so that I could watch them. THEN...my roommate had to work with her lab partner while I was watching, so I had to make sure that the volume was low enough so that they could hear each other talk...but serious!? Gah! I ended up being a little snippy beacause when I was finally able to watch it, there were other people in the room talking and I couldn't even hear him...except in my head since I've memorize his songs. Ever since Red and Blue came out I've wanted it, and then in June when I heard that it was going to be sold in the U.S. I've waited patiently so that I could order it, then when I did get it in the mail, I had to wait because I was going to take a really big hard test and I didn't want to be distracted. FINALLY, when I did get it from my mail box, I had to continue waiting all day so that I could watch it, and now I can't even hear it!?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Well, because my roommie is such a wonderful person who totally understands what it's like to have an obession, she kindly went down the hall into the study room to talk to her lab partner so that I could watch the DVDs in peace. Awwww! I just love her!...except when she's patronizing me about being in love with a 'girly looking man' =_= Anyways, I was just so excited about getting and watching them I wanted to write about it on LJ. Sorry for taking up so much space.

Somtimes I hate my life

2007-07-16T17:05:46Z

Gah! It wasn't even really my fault this time! Though it's going to be looked that way. Gah! When it rains it pours! That is so true for me. I was with my sister and we were on our way to church when we got into this car accident on the freeway. Okay, so I was speeding, but only like 69 or 70 mph, and the Hybrid in front of my starts to slow down. Okay, so I apply my brakes, I'm like 'No problem, it's just cuz the freeway is a bit crowded.' WRONG! Next thing I know, the Hybrid is nearly at a stop in front of me, there was about 4 car spaces between us, a car on my right and the center divider on my left. I was stuck. I slammed on my brakes but it wasn't enough. I guess I could have pulled my emergency brake, but I didn't have enough reaction time. We collide. Why? Because some stupid black vehical was stalled between lanes and the Hybrid was trying to avoid hitting it. Wonderful, just peachy. This would be my second car accident in 6 months! Not only that, but 6 months from just GETTING my car! My parents aren't home till Thursay, and I was freaking out. My sister was with me! I'm responsible for her, I mean, what if was worse?! No one was hurt, but...I'm so scared now. She could have gotten seriously injuried or died if it was worse...and it would have been all my fault. I could have lost her. And now I don't even really know what to do. The first accident wasn't bad, they guy just my paint on his bumper. But this time, the guy has two black marks on his bumper along with to small round indentations from the bolts that hold my license plate and frame to the front of my car. I don't know what to feel. I feel stupid but at the same time, it's not like the first time where it was obviously my fault. I seriously don't think there was any thing I could have done to prevent it. Oh except: not going to church, getting out of the lane earily like I was planning to, going to choir practice instead of just service, etc. Man, I'm really dreading when my parents come home. They trusted me and look at what happens. And to top all that, it happened yesterday and I had a PreCalc test this morning. Needless to say that my studying was bad because of what happened and that I was completely f**ked when it came to the test. Why does this always happen to me!?

SKIN concert at AX

2007-07-03T18:29:18Z

This is mostly for myself, since I have horrible memory, but also for anyone who is interested and was not able to go to the AMAZING concert. I had a blast! It was worth all the tears, the traffic, the traveling, the early mornings, the lines, and the sunburns! I can officially die happy now. I have seen a Gackt concert, though in SKIN, and he is so amazingly beautiful up close. WOO! 18th row baby! And a lil while in 3rd! Hahaha I freakin' cried I was so happy to see him!

SKIN concert review from JRock Revolution

Written by Administrator
Sunday, 01 July 2007
At the end of the Jrock Revolution Festival in late May, 2007, YOSHIKI made the announcement that S.K.I.N. would be playing at Anime Expo. By the end of the Friday night concert, fans were already phoning their friends and making plans to attend the convention. Both national and international supporters flew in from as far away as France, Canada, and Japan. By Thursday night of 28 June, 2007, concert goers were already lining up to claim their Premium Passes. Waits extended up to, and surpassed, four hours by Friday. Fans wearing homemade S.K.I.N. shirts, fans cosplaying as their favorite artists, and plain clothes fans who secretly harbored a die hard passion for this breed of Japanese music waited patiently without uttering a complaint. After claiming their golden tickets, the fans bolted off to the lines. The lines themselves wrapped around every spare inch of the area outside of the Main Event Arena. It was much like being inside a Shoots-and-Ladders game without a birds eye view available. Even though the Premium Pass holders had reserved seats, they still got there early, joining the sea of general admission ticket holders all hoping for a better seat than the person behind them got. The S.K.I.N. concert started almost two and a half hours tardy. After a good five days of rehearsing, the band, in theory, should have been satisfied and primed. However, even though the Anime Expo schedule stated that concert was supposed to begin, Gackt was still polishing off those last falsetto notes during one last rehearsal. Nothing less than perfect would satisfy them. Fans waited outside in the hot California sun (many of them receiving sunburns for their dedication) until, at last, seating began. There was one merchandise booth worked by a handful of volunteers, the corners dotted by dedicated staff of the S.K.I.N. Campaign gathering e-mail addresses for S.K.I.N.’s mailing list. A concession stand kept steady business. However, the real action was happening inside the arena. Usually an ice-skating rink, the court had been converted into an enormous stage flanked by three video screens. An almost ethereal string of music played on loop. Fans settled into their seats, occasionally ruffled by attempts to do “the wave” or yells as the cameras panned across. Finally, the lights dimmed. Immediately, the fans rose to their feet. The S.K.I.N. promo video, the one shown at the Jrock Revolution Festival and the one plastered all over the internet, played on the screens…then, the white sheet hiding the stage dropped. S.K.I.N. came to life from a sea of mist. A metal creation shaped like a mythical dragon replaced the typical microphone stand. The energy level in the theatre skyrocketed! Gackt, looking devilishly sexy in slimming jeans and a leather jacket, sported spiked-up jet-black hair, a new quality for the usually blonde or brunette vocalist. As the wide-eyed soloist launched into “GEI-SHA”, the audience filled the arena with screams of bliss and peals of delight. As the band is lacking a permanent bassist, Gackt brought along a member of his own back up band, Gacktjob, named Ju-Ken. Needless to say, he was thrilled to be there. The collared, but not restrained, shaggy-haired SUGIZO wore a sleeveless shirt and a destroyed-style floor length jacket, leaving his guitar-clutching arms bare. On the opposite end, Miyavi, an energetic, tattooed, twenty-something with colorful extensions, was already burning a warehouse of energy in trademark tank top and loose pants. His guitar was plastered with S.K.I.N. stickers. Behind the three front men, on a platform flanked by stairs, an already shirtless male with bleached hair named YOSHIKI was joyfully thrashing his drum set. Wanting it to be a surprise, S.K.I.N. purposely did not release any teasers of their new music prior to before the show. Fans didn’t know any of the lyrics, but it hardly mattered. S.K.I.N. graciously displayed the titles of their songs up onto the video screens. “Killing you softly” rocked the arena, followed by “Beneath The Skin” ripping through the speakers. Most of the lyrics were in English. Two of the members are fluent in English, and the other two are studying diligently. Fully confident, the band members turned themselves inside out with effort, pumping as much rock into one hour as possible. Miyavi never stopped moving, even when he hauled himself one-handed on top of a speaker (an easy task in his six-foot frame), his feet were still tapping out the beat in mid air. When he wasn’t dancing with his guitar, he occasionally backed Gackt up on vocals. SUGIZO, on the other side, was having a deep intimate session with his guitar that border-lined on erotic. Pounding the bloody hell out of his drums, flashes of YOSHIKI’s history with X JAPAN flashed before fan’s eyes. The concert stocked up quickly on memorable moments. Ju-Ken had a mini guitar/bass battle with Miyavi. Gackt put an arm around Sugizo and confessed that a mere two years ago, he “hated his guts”, but now they were “best friends”. Without a doubt though, the most beautiful moment came during the blur between “Beneath The Skin” and “Violets”. The rock music faded. YOSHIKI traded his seat at the drums for seat at the piano; a beautiful solo filled the air. So many people were focused on him that hardly anyone noticed Gackt quietly taking a seat at the opposing piano. The solo became a duet. In a pool of warm light, a virtuoso posed the bow on his electric violin and drew sweet, heavy notes. Now that SUGIZO had joined the ensemble, only one member was missing. Adept on plucked stringed instruments, fans pondered what instrument he would select. The fourth spotlight revealed a sitting Miyavi, eyes closed, strumming a traditional Japanese shamisen. The video screen showed four bars of footage spliced together, each rectangle displaying a close-up view of each individual artist’s actions. For many witnesses, the loveliness and splendor of the harmonious quartet overwhelmed them to tears. After returning to rock to wrap up the tail end of “Violets”, SUGIZO smashed his guitar into a thousand pieces. YOSHIKI destroyed his drum set in a fit of emotional violence. Although he cut his hand during the process, the prodigy calmly dismissed it as “it’s just rock and roll”. S.K.I.N. received thunderous applause. Fans cheered for an encore (most chanting “an-ko-rei” like their Japanese counterparts), however, the stage crew had already began breaking down the set. Hardly a month from the Jrock Revolution Festival, another chapter in Jrock history in America has been written. Even though the concert was a victory, back stage, the musicians immediately nit-picked and fussed over the tiny mistakes that went unnoticed by the fans. S.K.I.N.’s scrupulous nature ensures that every future concert will be flawless. As S.K.I.N. was created with America as its goal, they won’t be satisfied until they’ve completely conquered.

My birthday experience

2007-05-08T08:20:57Z

Okay, this is just a little study to see how I feel when I'm intoxicated. I hoped I spelled that right. I've never been drunk before, and so I think I am. That probably doesn't make sense. I've never been drunk before, and I certainly wasn't planning to for my birthday, but I got talked into it. I wasn't going to celebrate my birthday because I have a final tomorrow...well since it's 1AM, today...but at the encouraging of my friends, okay, peer pressure, I was able to get a drink...legally. And I just wanted to write down how I feel right now so I can laugh about it tomorrow...and people who have me as a friend can laugh about it. It's actually quite interesting, I feel really really dizzy. Even now, when I'm sitting down, I have to concentrate really hard to actually write this without seeming to be drunk, which I think I am. I've read in my anatomy text books that alcohol can highten the senses which I definitely feel. Every time I touch the keyboard or just rub/scratch my face/neck it feel like I can feel it ten times more than usual. I hope I'm not slurring my words. The first time I had alcohol I did and I didn't even know it. This experience is interesting though, so know when I write it in one of my ficcies I truly know how that character feels 'cause I've really felt it. Well, my friend tells me that I'm not plastered, but drunk. So there must be a difference right? I think I can remember everything...but I guess that isn't really a factor since my roommated can get plastered and still remember everything. Damn...and I have a final tomorrow. Well this is what happens when you have your 21st birthday during finals week. Hmmm my roommate tells me that I'm not really bad, but that I keep rambling. I'm not sure if I like this feeling or not. I'm not sure if I like feeling this way, it's like I've reduced myself to a drunk person, which I've always associated with 'bad'. Damn I thnk I keep getting worse by the minute, I was able to read the keyboard a few minutes ago, when I started this...this...whatever you call it, but now I can't even look down at the keyboard without feeling dizzy. In fact I feel dizzy...really dizzy just trying to write this thing right now. But I know that tomorrow I'm going to read this and be like "What the hell?! I must have been seriously drunk to write this!" Which I think I am. I think my roommate is right, I think I do ramble when I'm intoxicated. My face feels funny, I probably shouldn't write that. I seem to say, or in this case, write/type whatever pop's into my mind. It's funny though, my sister knows I can be really random but around others I'm not. I keep my thoughts in, but now that I've have three drinks, yes I know I'm a cheap drunk, I know that I say/write whatever comes to mind. Damn, now my other roommate says it smells like boo's out here...I'm sure it's me since we don't keep alcohol in the room since it's against the rules. I'm sorry for taking everyone's space with my drunken speech or whatever you call this...recap? Oh well, I can't think. Damn I'm don't sure if I like this. I'm not sure if I like being so dizzy and stupid and unable to think straight. But I think I do kinda like the hightened senses, it does amuse me. Wow, "amuse me'? Who the hell talks like that...I guess I do when I'm under the influence. I guess it's a good thinkg that my find drove me back to my dorm. After my second drink I was like "I don't think I should drive." and she agreed, thank God. So she, being sober, drove me back and walked me to my door, which I'm sure I would have taken ten minutes to fit my key into my lock. Since I can't even sit still without feeling dizzy, at least that's how I feel. Hmm I wonder if I mispelled everything. I'm such a horrible speller. Wow, even when I move my arms, it feels funny. OMG I'm talking like a drunk...that's bad. I've always been taught that's bad. That I shouldn't get drunk...well no I take that back. My parents cared but as long as I wasn't driving it was okay with them, though this is the first time I've ever gotten drunk. Yay for me...I guess...we'll see when i take my final. Okay, I've takin up too much of my friend's space, I think I'll leave now. Sorry if I upset you all. I'm trying to think straight I know being drunk isn't a good excuse, but that's the only one I can come up with since it's true...I think...Okay bye now, for sure

Birthday!

2007-05-07T07:57:21Z

Happy Birthday To Me!
Happy Birthday To Me!
Happy Birthday Dear Me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Wow...I just sang myself happy birthday...how sad =_= lol. *sigh* so I'm finally 21...wow...it seemed to take forever to get here. Lol, I almost thought I would never get here. And now that I'm finally able to buy alcohol what do I get to do today?...STUDY FOR FINALS....YAY! ;_; definitely very sad. But, it was so sweet my lunch buddy Jen got me a lil gift and so did my roommate, oh I feel so special. Well it's almost 1AM and I have to be in the Biomechanic's lab at 8AM so I think I'm going to go to bed now. And here's a little birthday present to me ^/////^

Yay exciting!

2007-04-16T18:33:28Z

w00t! I have a cool sister! She's in the newspaper in our area because she's just awesome! It just talks about how she does softball, in a play, and she was a captin for her JV soccer team, AND is still an honor student. It's actually kinda sad how the older sister (me) lives in her shadow T_T since if I had so much on my plate my grades would drop. Anyways, I just wanted to save the link for however limited the time is.

http://avbeat.com/people.html

New Ficcie ^^

2007-02-26T01:16:24Z

Ugh, everyone is probably sick of hearing about new ficcies, but I can't draw to save my life so this is the only contribution I can make. That and I am pretty excited about this new ficcie. This is my first sequel. For those who haven't read the first ficcie, it's only a one-shot, and if you're interested here's the summary and link to it.

Title: Discover Me
Rating: T
Pairing: NaruHina
Summary: After watching Naruto look sadly up into the night sky, Hinata decides that it's finally time to tell him how she feels. Leading him into the forest she shows him just who that girl was at the waterfalls all those years ago. NaruHina.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3284268/1/

And so here's the sequel to it. So far I only have one chapter up, but hopefully soon I can get to work on the next chapter. If you guys are feeling nice by leaving me a little comment or review on either ficcies, I don't mind if it's from here or at FF.net. Hope you guys like 'em.

Title: Discover You, Discovering Us
Rating: M (for later chapters)
Pairing: NaruHina
Summary: Sequel to Discover Me. Naruto is finally aware of Hinata's love for him and his growing attraction to her. However, he still has doubts about telling her about the horror that is sealed within him. But he will soon find out just how strong her love is.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3414166/1/

X-posted

A few Quizes I Took...

2007-02-05T00:19:07Z

What human aspect fits your personality? (images)

The Blind
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What wise quote fits you? [pics]

Your wise quote is: "The best antiques are old friends" by Unknown...
Your buds is the source of your happiness (maybe not all but still). Even if it's just one, a couple or a whole group they are the ones you can't wait to see. It does not matter if you're shy with everyone else or not, with them you let your true spirit shine and can be as loud as you want. They accept you, and you love them for that.
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What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]

Your element is Water. You have a calm aura around you and are in tune with the world around. You observe it but rarely interfere. Because of your shy and timid nature you will not have so many friends in your life. But then again, large crowds aren't your thing anyway. You are comfortable on your own and are reserved to others who you don't know or know very little of. You know everyone out there does not want to be your friend, and knowing that is good. However, people who don't know you that well thinks that you are cold and distant since you don't want to talk to them. Although you mean no harm, you can't always be perfectly understood in the world. No one can. Life in general are you quite serene with even if there are some things you don't like. Your love-life is not so full of boys/girls, but if you flirted more with the ones you were interested in I'm sure something would happen. The hobbies you choose are calmer ones, you are no party person that likes to drink and make-out with three or more guys/girls in one night. Reading a book or swimming is more your thing.
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Neh...am I really like this?

This looked like fun!

2006-12-06T05:27:04Z

Neh, am I seriously THAT bad!? I only occationally live in my own world. I live in the real world too!...though...it isn't as nice =_=

A Quickie XD

2006-11-02T17:23:18Z

This is just a little "quickie" UPDATE! Hehehehe, I'm about to go to watch this really cool surgery of the "Unhappy Triad". The Unhappy Triad is tearing of the ACL, MCL, and medial meniscus...and I get to watch the doctor fix it! Yay! I'm so excited, this is my first surgery that I get to watch in real life! Hehehehe I have little butterflies in my tummy, and the best part is that it'll probably take all day and so I don't have to go to work OR classes! YES!

Halloween =_=

2006-10-31T22:20:19Z

Neh, so it's Halloween...my favorite holiday...but I have nothing to dress up as and no money to buy a costume. It totally sucks being a poor college student. But on the plus side, I finished with my two exams today and I think I did good on both of them...or at least I'm hoping so. I don't think I'm going to go trick-or-treating, so I think I'll just watch The Rockie Horror Picture Show on TV...I haven't seen that in years and I really liked it. One of those cult films that I love ^^ Especially the music ^o^

So Happy Halloween everyone!

Picture of the Day...two again actually ^^;

Hehehe long time no write ^^

2006-10-23T18:26:30Z

Wow...it's been so long since I've written anything here. I'm so bad. I just get so lazy and then I don't want to think about things so I don't write them down, and when I'm happy I'm too energetic to write about it...blah blah blah :p I just thought I'd update now since I've got time between classes and this song I'm listening to always makes me happy ^o^ I wish I could remember all the words or understood Japanese, but just the music and the way he sings makes me happy ^-^

So yeah, goal of the day is to work out in the gym. I had planned on working out on my own when I don't have my Hip Hop fitness class, but that fell through since I'm incredibly lazy, but after 1...2...3...4...yeah 4 days of no physical activity, I feel so yucky. Like I can feel the flabbiness of my muscles coming back, the strength that I've recently gained slowly fading away, and I don't want that. I want to look toned, or at least feel like I'm strong again. Besides, since I'm not playing soccer anymore, I should probably think about being healthy since I definitely don't eat healthy. Eww healthy food...yuck. I hate health foods, they taste so bad.

Classes are going alright so far. I really like my Functional Anatomy class. I thought it was going to be so much more difficult, but so far it's not. But I do need to make flash cards and study the attachment sites for the muscles. She's particular on that, I know the general location, but she wants us to be specific. So yeah I should study for that. And then in my other class, Evaluation, I have to remember to at least read the book...which reminds me I have HW due tomorrrow. Not far, but I still need to get it done.

My stories are going...eh right now. I finished Losing Hope, not as many reviewers and readers as Your Smile, but that's to be expected. Losing Hope is a tragic romance story, whereas Your Smile is a dramatic romance story. Perfect World was going good, but recently hardly anyone has been reviewing for me. I feel like I'm losing my reader's interests because it's at a point in the story where the couple are going through a MAJOR obstacle, and it looks like they might not end up together. They do eventually over come it, but the readers don't know that yet, and I've went from almost 20 reviews to barely over 5 reviews. I want to update quickly so they know that they will eventually get what they want, but at the same time, it almost makes me not want to finish the story since hardly any one is reviewing. Maybe I'm just over reacting. I started writing another story, one that I posted in Hyugacest, but I haven't written more for it. I feel bad, at the time, I didn't really have a plot for it, but now I'm forming one, so I htink I'm going to work on that this weekend or maybe later on in the week.

Ok so I think that pretty much covers almost everything and this post is long enough, I think I should finish this up. So here we go with the picture of the day...well ok it's two pictures since I love Gackt and Naruto.

Pictures of the Day

HYDE Concert

2006-07-10T18:05:59Z

Hehehe some people put up their summary of what happened at the concert in different groups, but my memory is terrible (take after my mother -_-) so I'll just put my short input here ^_^

What an AMAZING concert in SF! OMG my voice was still sore three days afterwards, I screamed so much. LOL my sister and I were trying to decide how to best describe the concert, the best we could come up with was; it was an ORGASMIC concert! Hehehe ^^ seriously you could totally get off at this concert, Hyde was so fucking SEXY! AAAHHH!!!! I'm ready to scream just thinking about it! My dad, sister, and I went driving by Slim's after breakfast and there was a small line outside of the club already! I was like "Dad, drop me off so I can wait in line, so Veronica and I can get a good spot inside." But stupid dad was like, "No their just waiting for tickets, we'll go later. You don't want to be waiting all that time." I was like, "Yes! Yes I do!" But he wouldn't let me -_-, I'm freakin' 20 years old, you can't tell me what to do anymore!

Anyways, as the day wore on, we watched the World Cup, we watched France win T_T...well actually I was asleep, I didn't want to watch France win. Anyways, around 4:00 we walked back to Slim's to get our tickets, the line was now at the end of the block! And my dad found out that the line was to GET INTO the club, NOT tickets! Teh, I was so upset. So we quickly went to grab a bite to eat and then come back to the line. So around 4:30pm my sister and I were in line and eating our lunch/dinner. Man, it was fuckin' freezing! It was SO cold...and the concrete isn't very soft -_- When the line had takin' up half the block, you know like, 2 sides of a square...well anyways at 8:00pm they finally opened the doors. But because we were in the middle of this God forsaken line, we didn't get in till about 8:45pm -_- so much for getting close to the stage.

When we got in, there were already so many people infront of us. We got as close as we could, which wasn't really all that close. At about 9:00pm the opening band came on. They played their instruments for about 10 seconds then started walking off the stage saying, "Ok thanks for listening to us. Next up is...HYDE!" We were all screaming! But then he was like, "Well unless you want us to play." Some people screamed, but I heard alot of, "NO!" I guess he didn't hear them, cuz he played anyways. They were called the Black List Club, not too bad, but I wouldn't get their CD. Lol, it was kinda funny cuz they obviously didn't get to meet Hyde, cuz they kept saying, "YEAH! HYDE is the best fucking band ever!" And we're like, "He's NOT a BAND!!!!"

Anyways, around 9:30pm they finally stopped, and Hyde's sound crew went to get everything set up. There was no room to move really, and it sucked for us short girls. There was this older woman who was infront of us, who was shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip with this other young woman. Man, you can tell there was tension in the air. The young woman kept trying to move forward, which meant a little pushing on her part. I just backed up, I could tell either an arguement or a fight was gonna be between the two. I was votin' for the older woman, she at least wanted to get my sister and I infront of the young woman, because we were short and she had to be at least 5'7...compared to us 4'9 and 4'11 girls -_- But when Hyde finally came on at 10:00pm, we were shoved at least 3 feet forward, and now there seriously was NO room!

We were all screaming, and my sister and I couldn't see a thing. There were these 2 fat girls infront of us with their arms in the air blocking everything. The first thing I saw was this guy with kinda medium length hair and a black bandana on his face, like those bad guys in cowboy movies, with Hyde's lil half heart symbol thingy on it. It looked kinda like a man from Dir en Grey, I was like, "Am I at the wrong place? Wrong concert?" But then he slid his bandana down and started singing MADE IN HEAVEN, my fave song on FAITH. Everyone was jumping up and down, including my sister and I...it was the only time I could see HYDE T_T. He sang the song so AWESOMELY!! Rockin' hard!

In the middle of the song however, it was getting really annoying not being able to see a single thing! So I yelled in my sister's ear, "Ok here's the choice. Stay close to the stage and not see him at all, or go up to the balcony and see him." There was no possible way for us to get any closer to him, so we decided that seeing him for farther away was best. We made our way to the balcony, to watch him. By then the song was over and he started talkin to us ^^.

"Hello. This is my first time in San Francisco. San Francisco, the city with a lot of ... hills. I see my name everywhere. Why do I see my name all over San Francisco, why?"

Which totally cracked me up, cuz I was just talking about how we found a HYDE ST. and that I needed to take a picture of it before we left ^_^ Then he started talking again.

"Are you weeeelcoming me?"

We were screaming our heads off, of course we were! Next he sang JESUS CHRIST, it was just amazing. He was rocking so hard, he looked much more comfortable this time than when he came with L'ARC EN CIEL, jumping up and down, head banging, running around the stage. Now all the memories kinda blur together. The order of songs he sang next was: SEASON'S CALL, DOLLY, PRAYER, I CAN FEEL, FAITH, LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS (which really surprised me), HELLO, MASQUERADE (my fave on 666), HIDEWAY, UNEXPECTED, MISSION, COUNTDOWN, and MIDNIGHT CELEBRATION (my sister's fave on 666).

The ones that really stand out to me were HELLO, he did an AMAZING job rocking to this song, and COUNTDOWN...OMG that one had to be the best! Needless to say, it's going to be really hard going back to listen to the CD version...the live version was SO much better. He should make a live album, that would be AWESOME! There was more talking on his part, all I remember though is:

"Let's make love." crowd goes WILD...including me. Hell fuckin' YES!!! I'm make love with YOU! Then he says, "Will you sing with me?" I think it was for UNEXPECTED. Anyways, he was also saying that he won't be in the states for much longer, we all were like "Aaawwwwww!"

But man, this concert....there's not enough descriptive words I know that would do this concert justice. He just took my breath away. Seeing him in person, instead of on a computer, oh man. My heart is just going pitter-patter just thinking about him. He was worth it. He was worth the 9 hours I had to spend in the car with my dad >_< and the 4 hours in the freezing cold. He was totally worth it. I had a blast! Now all I need is to see a Gackt concert, then I could die happy.

Here are some pictures I took around SF.

The line

My sister and I bored in line

And the infamous HYDE ST.

Quick update

2006-07-03T17:54:57Z

AAHHHH!!!! I'm so excited, HYDE'S concert is in TWO DAYS!!!! OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm going nuts, I can't believe I'm going to be seeing him live! It's SO crazy! I had always thought that I'd have to go to Japan to see him, and even then, it was like a dream or something you wish for that you know won't ever come true...BUT IT HAS!!!!! I'm SO excited, this'll be my 2nd concert ever! I'm not really looking forward to spending 9 hours on the road with my dad, but I would go through ANY kind of torture to see HYDE live! I have a test in a few hours, but it's so hard for me to study, all I can think about is seeing HYDE. I know I'm a crazy fan girl, but I can't help it! This will be the first time I would see an idol of mine live. Once, back in the ancient days of NSYNC (did I spell that right? lol), when I was a fan (aahhh don't hate me, I was only 13!) my dad promised me to take me to a concert of theirs...never did. Then he promised me that he'd take me to a STYX concert...didn't do that either. So when I heard that HYDE was playing in SF, I decided that it was time for me to see a concert I actually WANT to see. Besides, it's not like he can stop me now. I bought the tickets, I have money to fly there, I'm 20 years old for crying out loud! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT! But it's still hard to believe that this is actually happening! I swear I have a thousand butterflies in my tummy. Hehehe ok I think I've talked about my excitment long enough. I really should get back to studying. Wish me luck! ^0^

Pix of the Day...one totally HOT pix of Hyde!

Woah it's been a while

2006-06-26T18:34:52Z

Man it's been a LONG time since I've been on here. Actually I feel kinda bad cuz I totally forgot about LJ for a little while. Maybe it's cuz the internet is SO slow at home, all I do on LJ is post my ficcies. And thinking about ficcie, I feel really bad that I haven't had ANY time to work on them. It's either summer school (HW), my parents giving my some type of choir to do, or my best friend callin' me up wanting to hang out (and since I only see her in the summer, she's a high priority). The only time I work on them is late at night, and when I read it over in the morning it's crap -_-. I have to do it all over again. Plus, writing LEMONs (I think) is not really my strong point. But I did start another ficcie, I'm gonna up it as soon as I'm done with Your Smile, which hopefully will be soon. The story only has about 1 or 2 more chapters before it ends.
I went to go get a job earlier in the summer and don't get a call back till now, but school is taking up most of my time, and I don't think I can handle having a job and keeping my grades up. So if they ask me, I think I'm gonna have ta decline.
Nothing really exciting going on lately...except the World Cup ^0^ I've only watched a handful of games, but every time I do, the team I want to win...loses! So I think I'll just follow along, but not watch...even though I want to.
Oh! So excited, Hyde's SF concert it coming up soon! AAAHHHHHH!!!!! I can't wait! Jumping up and down with excitement!
Anyways, I think that's all I have to say.

Quick Update

2006-05-23T06:01:26Z

Just a little update, cuz I'm at my best friend's house spending the night, and I don't know when she needs to use the computer. Well all in all, it's been an alright summer vacation so far. I've been sleeping in till like 9AM but staying in bed till like 11:30AM, I'm lovin' it. I was also able to FINALLY pass my behind-the-wheel driving test! YES! Well actually I'm more just relieved that I have that over and done with, I've been trying to get my drivers lisensce (whatever, terrible speller) for 4 years now....yeah I know, really sad. But anyways yeah, not really a good afternoon today. I just couldn't do anything right, I'm not a good daughter or a good granddaughter. I got a 2.469 GPA this semester, I did a terrible job making dinner, and I didn't WANT to spend the week with my grandmother to keep her company since my step-grandfather is in the hospital. She's not my favorite grandmother, and I had already made plans with my best friend which I haven't seen in a year (school), but because I was sent down the guilt trip, I am spending the week with my grandmother. Luckily, all I have to do is spend the night with, the days are mine.

I actually really proud of myself, as a story writer, I've never writen stories like Your Smile or The Boy in My Memories, and I've never taken a story so far before...yeah I've just got three chapters for Your Smile and two on the other one, but that's a real accomplishment for me ^^ anyways, I think I have to go, more some other time. Bye.

Just one more to go!

2006-05-10T00:07:02Z

I'm telling you I'm so brain dead right now...well for the most part. I was able to finish chapter 2 of my fanfic, but last night and early this morning i thought that i had my pathology final today, when it's not till tomorrow and that i'm having my evaluation final today instead! I studied for the wrong final! And I totally died on my Anatomy final T_____________T it was so hard to find time to study for that class when i had two others to worry about. I'm just hoping that I get at least a C-, which is saying something for me, ever since i got straight A's i've been wanting to do my best in classes but it was just so difficult to squeeze in anatomy....i feel so bad about it too. i really liked the class, but unfortunately it was like at the bottom of my priorities list. ;_;

Anayways, yeah right now i'm taking a break from studying for my test tomorrow. Not looking forward to that one, that one's going to be really hard. I hope i at least pass -_-

Oh yeah, my birthday was Sunday, I was so happy that a lot of my friends emailed me (since everyone is so busy studying at their comps) saying happy birthday. I feel so special, i thought everyone would forget. I didn't do anything special, but Saturday my family came down and took me out to lunch. That was fun, it'll be nice to see them again, though I'm really not looking forward to the 'no cable and dial-up' at home. -_- so I prolly won't be able to update as often as i would like to O_Q anyways yeah i think this is just a 'blah' update but whatever ^^

Piccie of the Day ^^ actually I'm gonna make it 2 cuz:

This is just a hilarious picture of Tsunade-sama, and I love her ^o^

And I've been in a very, "God! I love my Gaara!" type mood lately ^^'

The alphabet....again -_-

2006-05-06T03:41:29Z

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation what the word means to you and why, and than pass out letters to those who want to play along.

This time I got the letter 'H' from lhukhe09

1) HYDE: yes! there is a reason he's #1

2) Hinata: she's so totally cute ^_^ i'm just like her

3) Hungry: what i'm feeling right now -_-

4) Happy: which i am 98% of the time, it's just not me to be depressed

5) Horror: a category of movies that i didn't love til college, now i can't get enough

6) Heritage: a big part of my life for both my mexican side and my philippino side

7) Hotdogs: actually the only time i like them is in pork and beans....yum ^^

8) Hawk: one of my favorite animals, and an old mascot of mine ^_^

9) Heaven: where i'm going when i die, hope to see you there ^_^

10) Heart: last but certainly not least, that's me, i'm Corazon, it's very important in life.

Short study break

2006-05-05T10:50:40Z

Ok I mainly just want to write down what happened yestersday that made me feel excited and brightened my day. Kavin, my kinda supervisor in athletic training, after turing in my test, told me to meet him in his office. I was like, "Oh no, am I in trouble? Is he gonna yell at me for not doing well?" Once in the training room he pulled me over to Kecia's office (cuz it was closer O_o) to talk with me. I asked if I was in trouble and he said no that he just want to talk about my rotation next semester.

He said that he is thinking about giving me an off-campus rotation to the local community college to work football there. To me, receiving an off-campus rotation is an honor, it shows that the staff/professors have faith in that's student and gives the student more responsibility. Though I was told that is not the only reason why Kavin is sending me over there. He said that the head athletic trainer there pretty much gives the students the reins which forces us to utilize the knowledge we aquired in the classroom.

Kavin said this is the main reason he wants to send me there. He said that he's hoping and confident that that environment will bring me out of my shell and increase my confidence in myself and my skills. He did say that it could backfire and make me retreat further into my shell and become even more quiet than I am now. He said that he noticed that in the classroom I never talk or asks questions, and that many times it is the same in the training room. But that there are times when, instead of following others I take the lead a little and speak up. But soon after fade back into the shadows, making him think that though being shy and quiet are a part of who I am, they are not my "normal" way of acting.

Which is interesting because I'm not, I love to talk, when you get me with my sister you can't shut me up. I love cracking jokes and making peolpe laugh, I love debating and having intense conversations...but instead of being that way, I dramatize my shyness and quietness that only 2 of my classmates know what I'm really like.

I don't like being labeled the shy and quite one of the bunch. I want to be noticed and acknowledged by my classmates as one of them, not someone separate. I do notice that I am making progress and becoming closer to all of them, but the progress is slow. Kavin has given me an opportunity to catalize this progress and become, maybe not a different person, but to be more comfortable with myself and my friends. To be able to have conversations with them, not just watching them talk and laughing along with them. Kavin even has faith in me that I can bring on this change within myself, Kavin....the man who told me earlier that I was pathetic because I focused so much on my studies that I didn't have time for a life. Kavin, the world's most pessimstic man, believes I can do this!

Lol, wow I didn't intend for this entry to be so long. I guess that conversation had a bigger impact on me than I thought. I want to change, I want my classmates to look at me and say, "Wow, Cris really knows her stuff." Well if I'm going to 'know my stuff' I better get back to working on my paper and studying.

Pic of the Day...yes just like me, working hard to better ourselves ^_^

Alphabet game

2006-05-04T23:07:22Z

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation what the word means to you and why, and than pass out letters to those who want to play along.

April gave me the letter 'M'

1) Mother: my mother is very very important to me, besides my sister she's my best friend

2) Music: very important in life, whether I'm angry, sad, happy, or whatever, you'll always see me with earphones ^_^

3) Movies: yes! I love movies! But I'm such a terrible critic, I like 99% of all the movies I watch ^o^

4) Magic: I'm not talking about like card tricks, I mean like faries and elf and dragons and stuff, if I got 'f' I'd put 'fantasy'

5) Moment: I mean like special moments to each person, yesterday for me i had a Hinata moment

6) May: a very special month because it has a very special day, a birthday, for a very special person.....me ^_^

7) Mexican: what half of me is, and I'm proud to say it! ^0^

8) Mac's: the type of comp I'm using....it's being kind of a butt right now tho -_-

9) Math: I'm no math wiz but I do enjoy the challenges I get in math, they make me smile and feel smart ^^

10) Men: there's a reason why they are last on this list, but hey at least they made it ON the list :P

Not Done Yet

2006-05-01T22:47:06Z

Aaahhhhh!!!! So many things to study for! How did everything creep up on me so fast!? I hope I don't get white hair from all this stress. Test in modalities and oral exam in spanish on wednesday, final draft of paper in pathology and abstract in modalities on friday, THREE finals with a half hour between each on monday, final on tuuesday, and final on wednesday. x_x

Pic of Day...what all this studying is doing to me ^^;

Depressing Feelings

2006-04-26T00:12:40Z

This has been a pretty depressing day unfortunately. First of all it was cloudy and cold, I miss the sunshine and warmth, I'm always happy when the sun is shining down on me warming me. Then...well lately I've been having mixed feelings about a friend and classmate of mine, let's call him....hhmm Mr.Funny cuz he always makes me laugh. I had always looked to him as a friend and fellow classmate and that was about it. Someone who always made me laugh and smile, but I had forgotten that I have a history of falling for guys who make me laugh (which is easy really). So lately I've felt that I've started look at Mr.Funny a little different, I want to be aroung him always so I hear his jokes and laugh with him...but at the same time I didn't want to feel that way, I just wanted to be friends with him.....right?

When I was bored in anatomy I suddenly wanted to write down what I was feeling. It's not really a poem or anything, but I don't know what else to call it...

AFRAID TO TAKE A STEP FORWARD
Boys suck, feelings suck.
Being confused about boys are no fun.
Why can't I make up my mind?
Why do I have mixed feelings?
But I'm not his type.
Am I content being just a friend?
Yes I am...yet, no I'm not.
Will I do anything about it?
No, I've been out of the game for too long.
I've become too shy, too scared.
Besides, wy would he want someone like me anyways?
I'm probably just worrying over nothing.
He will never look at me that way.

lol I know, it's silly and stupid. But as the days pass I think that I keep liking him more and more as a guy that I'm attracted to. However, today I don't want to like him, I'm tired of being confused and hurt. I had learned from Ambie that Mr.Funny had slept with a classmate and friend of ours, Ms.Girls-just-wanna-have-fun after Spring Formal. I was totally shocked, I had never thought that would happen, and that was a couple of weeks ago! It's not like he's mine, and I know that in this day and age, sex is a common occurance; but I could help but feel so depressed about it. I'm nothing like her, we are total opposites...they aren't going out or anything, but still, I feel like it's pointless and hopeless to like Mr.Funny, I really wish I could get rid of these feelings. I haven't liked a guy in a long time, I had forgotten how much it hurt to want someone and know that they will never want you the same way. I'm just a friend to him, just a classmate, he could never develop feeling for me, I wish I could cry. I wish I could cry to relieve this pain in my chest, this pain in my heart, but I can't. My eyes are as dry as the desert I come from, so I'm here, stuck with this depression, this sadness, this self-loathing. Why could I be different? Why can't I be more outgoing? Why can't I be more interesting? What happened to my resilence, I had prided myself on the way I could bounce back from anger and depression in a matter of hours. But I have a feeling that it's going to take more than a few hours. I can only hope that this stupid attraction will soon fade like at the others I've had. I hope tomorrow will be different, but I doubt it, I hear it's going to rain, and I see Mr.Funny everyday. *Sigh* I hate this.

Pic of the Day