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Miss Cris [userpic]

Wow...it sure has been a long time...

November 3rd, 2009 (05:19 pm)
determined

current location: room
current mood: determined
current song: Planetarium by Ai Ohtsuka

Wow...it sure has been a long time since I've posted anything on here. A few years if I remember correctly. I feel kind of bad that I haven't kept up with it, but I was never one to write in a journal or diary very often for a long time. Sometimes I just get bored of writing and just want to sit down with a friend or family member and tell them face-to-face my problems or what I'm excited about. It takes less time and I always get some kind of reaction. The friends I had made on here, I haven't spoken to them in SO long...I feel like a terrible friend. They've probably forgotten me, and I feel bad because I most-likely have forgetten them. I don't have the best memory, so when I don't talk to people in a long time, it'll take a while to realize just who they are and the experiences we've shared.

However, after watching a really really cute Japanese drama called "Densha Otoko" or "Train Man", I feel like I have been a really bad friend. The friends I have made on the web, just because I haven't met them in person, doesn't make them any less a friend than the ones I have around me all the time. I'm the worst kind of person, aren't I? I discarded my online friends and haven't spoken to them in years. I wonder if they were really mad at me, or even if they remember me at all. *sigh* Well after watching Densha Otoko, I feel like I want to try again to make online friends and this time keep up with them and their lives and to value them more than I had in the past. I don't expect it to be like in the drama, even I am not that naive, but it would be nice to meet a bunch of people and have them support me with important decisions and to help push me when I don't feel like I have the courage to carry on. And I would love to cheer them on in their lives as well, to help them when they're feeling down and to celebrate with them when they are feeling happy.

Well, I guess that'll come with time and good research. I must remember to try my best at whatever I do! I believe in giving it my all when it comes to my friends. I know that I become very vulnerable when I put 100% of myself into my relationships, but how can I ask my friends to do that when I, myself, won't do that for them? That's why I hope to try my best and to not give up!

Miss Cris [userpic]

Losing a friend

January 7th, 2008 (11:27 am)
crushed
Tags:

current location: Philippines
current mood: crushed
current song: Stain In The Rain by Superchick

It's always sad to lose a friend, even when I thought I already lost one it seems like I just lost her again. We were friends in high school, good friends, the best of friends. I called her one of my best friends which I don't do lightly. I've only done that twice in my life. One for her, and one for another whom I've been best friends with for five years (and friends for maybe nine or ten years). So she meant a lot to me. I'd look out for her and accept her, despite that there were things that I didn't like what she did. But I still loved her, like I loved my sister. We look past the faults and flaws and love the soul. Then times changed....we changed. High school graduation came and went. I attended college and she got into the military. I was consumed with classes and making new friends...she was consumed by her work and the men it brought her. We were on different levels now, concerned with different things. It seemed like we had nothing in common anymore except our past.

Then it happened...I messed up...I hurt her feelings. I didn't mean to! I have many different types of friends and at the time my other best friend (whom I've known longer and have been friends with longer) would not have gotten along with her. My other best friend and I were going to spend New Years together and when I told that to her, she got hurt. My guess is that she didn't think I valued her friendship as much as my other best friend. It wasn't true, but she didn't listen. We stopped talking for a long time...barely keeping in contact anymore. I had cried for hours for the mistake I had made and the friendship I had seemed to lose. I had told myself that in the long run it was the best. That were growing apart anyways. I'm sad it had ended badly, but that maybe it just needed to end one way or another.

Over the years we tried to meet, maybe to salvage the lost friendship we had. But it seemed that we never could get together for one reason or another. I was painted as a flake and a horrible friend. Maybe she's right. Maybe it's true. I don't like to think so cuz the way I see things...she was destroying my soul, my spirit. After that New Years, I could never do anything right. I could never make her happy. I could never make her smile or laugh like I use to. I felt like a terrible person, such an ugly being that should never live upon this Earth. Every time I spoke to her, I'd end up crying for hours.

Then today, I got another email from her. I haven't heard from her in almost a year and a half. The last time she contacted me she was back in the States and wanted to see me. She only had two days left. But unfortunately I was nine hours away and wouldn't be back home for another three days. She took it as I didn't want to see her, that it was my fault, that I was being a bad friend. Well anyways, she emailed me today wishing me a belated happy holidays...yet at the end of the message she said that "its a good thing some old friends still remember to say happy holidays". I was hoping that she just meant it in a general sense, though I had a feeling she was making me feel bad again on purpose. So I emailed her back thanking her and wishing her happy holidays too and letting her know that I didn't get the chance since I'm in the Philippines. But then she emailed me right back telling me to "save my excuses".

Is it silly of me for tearing up and crying over the simple yet hurtful message? Especially after so many years? It hurt so much to read that, as if the wound I've been trying to heal hasn't actually healed at all. I told her that I was sorry that our friendship ended so badly. That I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong to make her so mad at me for years. I don't think she's ever forgiven me. But at the same time I told her how much her friendship had been tearing me down, like a bad relationship. We need to move on, but with our heads held high and with humble hearts. We had a great friendship for three years that I continue to hold in my heart. I will always look back on those times with happiness and with gratefulness. But I think it's time for not only me to move on, but her as well. I don't think it's healthy for someone to carry around such anger. I told her if all she's going to do is make me feel bad, then to stop messaging me and to delete me from her friend's list. Is that bad or mean of me? If I'm still on her friend's list and she reads this on her bulletin, I hope that she finally understands my feelings. That I don't hate her, I'm not even mad or angry at her, but I need to keep my distance from her until we can look at each other again and say "Hello, remember me? We were best friends in high school. Man, those were good times huh?"

Miss Cris [userpic]

I was struck by inspiration...

December 6th, 2007 (08:06 pm)
tired

current location: CLU room
current mood: tired
current song: He Is Exalted by Twila Paris

Just cuz I have no where else to write this...and I kinda liked it. I thought it was going to be a song at first but I don't think so...I think it just turned out as a weird poem. But either way, it's been a long time since I've written anything like this and never of this nature. So yeah, I was just listening to the sermon at church last week, and the sermon just inspired me to write something and here it goes.

He Does He Does

How can you deny such love?
Don't we all seek to be loved fully?
He does He does

Can't you feel His arms wrapped around you?
Can't you feel Him wiping away your tears?
He does He does

He knows you
He loves you
He does He does

He died for you
Gave His life for you
So that you may live, live your life

He is always with you
To support you, hold you, love you
So how can you deny such love?

In darkness you may dwell
But He shines His light for you
He does He does

"He's not real." you may say
Or "He doesn't really know me."
But He does He does

So I will pray for you
Even give my life for you
And hope that you will believe
That He does He does 

The end...okay so yeah...not as good as when I use to write poetry as an emo kid, but that was...oh say...five years ago. I can't write poems anymore...well whatever. I like it.

Miss Cris [userpic]

Gackt Red and Blue DVDs

October 19th, 2007 (09:15 am)
ecstatic

current location: CLU room
current mood: ecstatic

Woah, talk about it being a long time. I guess I just kind of forgot about LJ for a while...that being it was a bit difficult to view it on my old and slow computer. But now that I have a new one, nice and pretty too, I started to hit this site up again. Hehehe. But boy do I have a lot of catching up to do.

Anyways, getting Gackt's Red and Blue DVDs...I LOVE THEM!!!! But is that any surprise? No. I knew I would, even though I have pretty much all his PVs on my comp, but it's so much nicer to view them on my TV...and they have english subtitles too! Now, I don't know Japanese...though I'm trying to learn but it's an incredibly slow process...I kind of like them better than some stuff I've found surfing the web. Because as I learned a few words in Kanji and their meaning, I found that some translations just weren't really cutting it for me. I thought that it could be translated better...however I guess I must keep in mind that they are fan-subbed and I should cut them some slack.  There are parts of the translations on the DVD that I don't like, I don't think it's very acurrate, but what do I know? I hardly know Japanese.

Well, they are a great pair of DVDs though and I'm SO excited that I finally own a Gackt DVD. I have a Hyde DVD and a L'Arc En Ceil DVD but I didn't have a Gackt one, which kind of surprises me because I like him the best. Hehehe, I knew, the moment I saw that Red and Blue were going to be sold in the U.S. that I was going to get them ^_^ And at such a cheap price too! Wow, amazing! I'm not all that impressed with the translated titles, I think they should have at least kept those untranslated. I don't know why I feel that way, but something about 'Luna Hymn' from 'Tsuki no Uta'....I don't know...Luna Hymn? But whatever...he's beautiful and so is the song.

When I got them, I was at work...so I had to wait ALL day to finally get back to my room so that I could watch them. THEN...my roommate had to work with her lab partner while I was watching, so I had to make sure that the volume was low enough so that they could hear each other talk...but serious!? Gah! I ended up being a little snippy beacause when I was finally able to watch it, there were other people in the room talking and I couldn't even hear him...except in my head since I've memorize his songs. Ever since Red and Blue came out I've wanted it, and then in June when I heard that it was going to be sold in the U.S. I've waited patiently so that I could order it, then when I did get it in the mail, I had to wait because I was going to take a really big hard test and I didn't want to be distracted. FINALLY, when I did get it from my mail box, I had to continue waiting all day so that I could watch it, and now I can't even hear it!?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Well, because my roommie is such a wonderful person who totally understands what it's like to have an obession, she kindly went down the hall into the study room to talk to her lab partner so that I could watch the DVDs in peace. Awwww! I just love her!...except when she's patronizing me about being in love with a 'girly looking man' =_= Anyways, I was just so excited about getting and watching them I wanted to write about it on LJ. Sorry for taking up so much space.

Miss Cris [userpic]

Somtimes I hate my life

July 16th, 2007 (09:51 am)
crushed

current location: AVC comp lab
current mood: crushed
current song: Amazing Kiss- BoA

Gah! It wasn't even really my fault this time! Though it's going to be looked that way. Gah! When it rains it pours! That is so true for me. I was with my sister and we were on our way to church when we got into this car accident on the freeway.  Okay, so I was speeding, but only like 69 or 70 mph, and the Hybrid in front of my starts to slow down. Okay, so I apply my brakes, I'm like 'No problem, it's just cuz the freeway is a bit crowded.' WRONG! Next thing I know, the Hybrid is nearly at a stop in front of me, there was about 4 car spaces between us, a car on my right and the center divider on my left. I was stuck. I slammed on my brakes but it wasn't enough. I guess I could have pulled my emergency brake, but I didn't have enough reaction time. We collide. Why? Because some stupid black vehical was stalled between lanes and the Hybrid was trying to avoid hitting it. Wonderful, just peachy. This would be my second car accident in 6 months! Not only that, but 6 months from just GETTING my car! My parents aren't home till Thursay, and I was freaking out. My sister was with me! I'm responsible for her, I mean, what if was worse?! No one was hurt, but...I'm so scared now. She could have gotten seriously injuried or died if it was worse...and it would have been all my fault. I could have lost her. And now I don't even really know what to do. The first accident wasn't bad, they guy just my paint on his bumper. But this time, the guy has two black marks on his bumper along with to small round indentations from the bolts that hold my license plate and frame to the front of my car. I don't know what to feel. I feel stupid but at the same time, it's not like the first time where it was obviously my fault. I seriously don't think there was any thing I could have done to prevent it. Oh except: not going to church, getting out of the lane earily like I was planning to, going to choir practice instead of just service, etc. Man, I'm really dreading when my parents come home. They trusted me and look at what happens. And to top all that, it happened yesterday and I had a PreCalc test this morning. Needless to say that my studying was bad because of what happened and that I was completely f**ked when it came to the test. Why does this always happen to me!?

Miss Cris [userpic]

SKIN concert at AX

July 3rd, 2007 (11:23 am)
giddy

current location: AVC
current mood: giddy

This is mostly for myself, since I have horrible memory, but also for anyone who is interested and was not able to go to the AMAZING concert. I had a blast! It was worth all the tears, the traffic, the traveling, the early mornings, the lines, and the sunburns! I can officially die happy now. I have seen a Gackt concert, though in SKIN, and he is so amazingly beautiful up close. WOO! 18th row baby! And a lil while in 3rd! Hahaha I freakin' cried I was so happy to see him!

SKIN concert review from JRock Revolution

Miss Cris [userpic]

My birthday experience

May 8th, 2007 (12:58 am)
drunk

current location: CLU room
current mood: drunk
current song: none

Okay, this is just a little study to see how I feel when I'm intoxicated.  I hoped I spelled that right. I've never been drunk before, and so I think I am.  That probably doesn't make sense. I've never been drunk before, and I certainly wasn't planning to for my birthday, but I got talked into it. I wasn't going to celebrate my birthday because I have a final tomorrow...well since it's 1AM, today...but at the encouraging of my friends, okay, peer pressure, I was able to get a drink...legally.  And I just wanted to write down how I feel right now so I can laugh about it tomorrow...and people who have me as a friend can laugh about it.  It's actually quite interesting, I feel really really dizzy.  Even now, when I'm sitting down, I have to concentrate really hard to actually write this without seeming to be drunk, which I think I am.  I've read in my anatomy text books that alcohol can highten the senses which I definitely feel.  Every time I touch the keyboard or just rub/scratch my face/neck it feel like I can feel it ten times more than usual. I hope I'm not slurring my words. The first time I had alcohol I did and I didn't even know it.  This experience is interesting though, so know when I write it in one of my ficcies I truly know how that character feels 'cause I've really felt it. Well, my friend tells me that I'm not plastered, but drunk. So there must be a difference right?  I think I can remember everything...but I guess that isn't really a factor since my roommated can get plastered and still remember everything. Damn...and I have a final tomorrow. Well this is what happens when you have your 21st birthday during finals week. Hmmm my roommate tells me that I'm not really bad, but that I keep rambling. I'm not sure if I like this feeling or not. I'm not sure if I like feeling this way, it's like I've reduced myself to a drunk person, which I've always associated with 'bad'. Damn I thnk I keep getting worse by the minute, I was able to read the keyboard a few minutes ago, when I started this...this...whatever you call it, but now I can't even look down at the keyboard without feeling dizzy. In fact I feel dizzy...really dizzy just trying to write this thing right now. But I know that tomorrow I'm going to read this and be like "What the hell?! I must have been seriously drunk to write this!" Which I think I am. I think my roommate is right, I think I do ramble when I'm intoxicated. My face feels funny, I probably shouldn't write that. I seem to say, or in this case, write/type whatever pop's into my mind. It's funny though, my sister knows I can be really random but around others I'm not. I keep my thoughts in, but now that I've have three drinks, yes I know I'm a cheap drunk, I know that I say/write whatever comes to mind. Damn, now my other roommate says it smells like boo's out here...I'm sure it's me since we don't keep alcohol in the room since it's against the rules. I'm sorry for taking everyone's space with my drunken speech or whatever you call this...recap? Oh well, I can't think. Damn I'm don't sure if I like this. I'm not sure if I like being so dizzy and stupid and unable to think straight. But I think I do kinda like the hightened senses, it does amuse me. Wow, "amuse me'? Who the hell talks like that...I guess I do when I'm under the influence. I guess it's a good thinkg that my find drove me back to my dorm. After my second drink I was like "I don't think I should drive." and she agreed, thank God. So she, being sober, drove me back and walked me to my door, which I'm sure I would have taken ten minutes to fit my key into my lock. Since I can't even sit still without feeling dizzy, at least that's how I feel. Hmm I wonder if I mispelled everything. I'm such a horrible speller. Wow, even when I move my arms, it feels funny. OMG I'm talking like a drunk...that's bad. I've always been taught that's bad.  That I shouldn't get drunk...well no I take that back. My parents cared but as long as I wasn't driving it was okay with them, though this is the first time I've ever gotten drunk. Yay for me...I guess...we'll see when i take my final. Okay, I've takin up too much of my friend's space, I think I'll leave now. Sorry if I upset you all. I'm trying to think straight I know being drunk isn't a good excuse, but that's the only one I can come up with since it's true...I think...Okay bye now, for sure

Miss Cris [userpic]

Birthday!

May 7th, 2007 (12:51 am)
hungry

current location: CLU room
current mood: hungry

Happy Birthday To Me!
Happy Birthday To Me!
Happy Birthday Dear Me!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Wow...I just sang myself happy birthday...how sad =_= lol. *sigh* so I'm finally 21...wow...it seemed to take forever to get here. Lol, I almost thought I would never get here. And now that I'm finally able to buy alcohol what do I get to do today?...STUDY FOR FINALS....YAY! ;_;  definitely very sad. But, it was so sweet my lunch buddy Jen got me a lil gift and so did my roommate, oh I feel so special. Well it's almost 1AM and I have to be in the Biomechanic's lab at 8AM so I think I'm going to go to bed now.  And here's a little birthday present to me ^/////^

Miss Cris [userpic]

Yay exciting!

April 16th, 2007 (12:27 pm)
excited

current location: CLU TR
current mood: excited
current song: None

w00t! I have a cool sister! She's in the newspaper in our area because she's just awesome! It just talks about how she does softball, in a play, and she was a captin for her JV soccer team, AND is still an honor student.  It's actually kinda sad how the older sister (me) lives in her shadow T_T since if I had so much on my plate my grades would drop. Anyways, I just wanted to save the link for however limited the time is.

http://avbeat.com/people.html

Miss Cris [userpic]

New Ficcie ^^

February 25th, 2007 (05:21 pm)
excited

current location: CLU room
current mood: excited
current song: Pretty Baby by Vanessa Carlton

Ugh, everyone is probably sick of hearing about new ficcies, but I can't draw to save my life so this is the only contribution I can make. That and I am pretty excited about this new ficcie. This is my first sequel. For those who haven't read the first ficcie, it's only a one-shot, and if you're interested here's the summary and link to it.

Title: Discover Me
Rating: T
Pairing: NaruHina
Summary: After watching Naruto look sadly up into the night sky, Hinata decides that it's finally time to tell him how she feels. Leading him into the forest she shows him just who that girl was at the waterfalls all those years ago. NaruHina.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3284268/1/

And so here's the sequel to it. So far I only have one chapter up, but hopefully soon I can get to work on the next chapter. If you guys are feeling nice by leaving me a little comment or review on either ficcies, I don't mind if it's from here or at FF.net. Hope you guys like 'em.

Title: Discover You, Discovering Us
Rating: M (for later chapters)
Pairing: NaruHina
Summary: Sequel to Discover Me. Naruto is finally aware of Hinata's love for him and his growing attraction to her. However, he still has doubts about telling her about the horror that is sealed within him. But he will soon find out just how strong her love is.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3414166/1/

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